From Death Spings Life
by Rush31
Summary: Spock finds himself and Captain Kirk as two pawns in a game of logic for which Kirk looses his life or so it seems. This tragedy allows Spocks love for Kirk to surface and bloom.


**From Death Springs Life**

**Personal Log**: I have not eaten in 3 days 6 hours 32 minutes and 37 seconds. I'm undernourished and it surprises even me that I can recount that period with such accuracy. My mental faculties are fading and the emotional barbarian that lies within is emerging. My logic is being ripped from me and along with it my civility. It is not often that I wish my human side to persevere, but this is one such time. Unfortunately, my Vulcan biology and the ancient blood that circulates within me have the footholds on my mind. I must rest but unfortunately someone has entered my quarters.

"Ms. Chapel, why are you here?" I asked as calmly as I could manage in my present state of mind.

"You haven't been eating Mr. Spock. I've brought you some soup."

"I requested no soup. Now leave, Ms. Chapel," I commanded.

"But Mr. Spock, you must eat. It's the doctor's orders."

"The doctor does not dictate my eating schedule. When I want something to eat I shall obtain it myself. NOW GET OUT OF MY QUARTERS!" I yelled as I turned over the tray containing the hot soup, nearly scolding Nurse Chapel. She ran from my quarters, crying in fear. Unfortunately, the captain and doctor heard and witnessed a portion of the event as they stood in the corridor, just outside my quarters. I couldn't explain my actions logically. So I spoke what came to mind first.

"Captain, I request shore leave to my home planet of Vulcan, immediately."

"Request denied, unless of course you can explain what display of madness is about."

_Madness, if only the Jim knew the appropriateness of that term._

"I will not explain to you or any other individual. It is a private matter and most unprofessional to discuss."

"Well, tipping a tray of hot food on Ms. Chapel was also − unprofessional. Now, unless you tell me what is wrong, I will grant no shore leave to Vulcan."

I stood there silently for a moment, before clenching my fists and walking back into my quarters. If I could have slammed the doors behind me, I would have taken great pleasure in doing so. Jim followed after me, as expected. He tried to pry into my personal affairs but was unsuccessful. I gave him no knowledge as to what was taking place in my mind and body. I could ascertain from his various emotional expressions that he was feeling anger, frustration, and concern.

_Emotions quickly are they overtaking me. They are cracking all my defensive mental shields. How much longer will my sanity last? What is the captain ascertaining now as he looks at my own expressions? A face that is usually void of emotion is now probably revealing so much._

"Mr. Spock, since you refuse to talk to me, you are to report to sickbay for a full physical and psychological evaluation."

"It will do you no good."

"I'll let McCoy be the judge of that."

But Captain –"

"Report to the sickbay immediately. That is an order, Mr. Spock."

I took my time getting to sickbay. I knew the good doctor would detect my symptoms easily but he would be at a lost as to their cause. _I will not speak. _There must be no record of this Vulcan affliction for outworlders to study.

The examination was completed in record time. I had returned to my quarters and no more than 40 earth minutes later the captain was at my door for the second time. Undoubtedly, the good doctor was concerned and recognized the danger I was in and alerted the captain.

I was appreciative of the captain for simply not barging in but seeking my permission to enter. I could tell that both he and I were on the verge of mental breakdown, his from his concern of me and mine from the effects of the every encroaching plak'tow, the Vulcan blood fever.

The Captain says I'm stubborn, but in this instance his stubbornness won over mine. I could no longer resist his interrogation. I felt too weak to continue. He vowed his complete silence and I told him of Pon Farr. Once he knew the details of my dilemma, he was swift to act. He even disobeyed Starfleet orders to help a friend, to help me. Sadly, I would never have conceived of the greater pain and anguish that our arrival on Vulcan would bring upon me.

I asked Jim and Leonard, my two closest friends, to accompany me. I did not know that one of them would become a living pawn in a game of logic, initiated by my soon to be consort, T'Pring. All I remember from said game was the beginning and the end.

The blood fever had essentially taken over me and T'Pring had demanded the kal'i'fee. She was challenging our arranged marriage and I was required to fight the man of her choosing, which is usually the man with whom she desires to be mated, usually. Instead, T'Pring chose my captain, which was a surprise to all including Staran, her desired lover.

Jim accepted the challenge. As I contemplate now the past events, I have no doubt he was trying to help me in some way but he was unaware of the high gravity of the situation. I was to battle my captain to the death in order to claim T'Pring and begin our mating. That was the beginning of the end.

_No! No! No! Look what this madness has made me do. _

When the fog of the blood fever lifted, I saw my captain unconscious on the grown with an ahn'wun around his neck. It was my hands tightly holding its ends. Dr. McCoy rushed over and pushed me aside to get to Jim. I stepped aside, almost entranced by what I was seeing. Jim, my captain, my friend, was dead.

He was declared dead by Dr. McCoy and though I had won the woman, she was dead to me as well. Before heading back to the ship I had to ascertain why she had chosen the kal'i'fee and my captain. I had to know the facts. As expected, she wanted another male Vulcan and every logical conclusion that could have resulted from my fight with the captain, every outcome was in her favor. If I died, Jim wouldn't want her and she would have her desired mate. If I won and then gave her away due to being insulted by the challenge, she would have her desired mate and if I didn't give her away, she would still have her chosen mate because I would have been taken away and convicted of killing my captain. By not picking her chosen to fight, there was no risk of him being killed in the kal'I'fee. Her logic was flawless. _T'Pring will live long and prosper, but how will I?_

Once all had been done and said, I beamed back aboard the Enterprise and headed straight for sickbay. Jim's motionless body was lying atop a biobed. No vital functions were being detected by the monitors. No heartbeat, no blood pressure, no brain waves, there was nothing.

_Oh Jim, I should have never told you. I should have never asked for your accompaniment. If I had never involved you, you would still be here. Now you're gone to all of us._

Ironically, I left sickbay feeling sick. I needed to rest before I resigned my post and surrendered myself to the authorities for the crime of killing the captain.

_There is no defense; no excuse I can give that would satisfy my own mind and spirit. Thus, I will give neither defense nor excuse to the authorities for my crime. May Jim rest in peace._

Not long after reaching the nearest starbase where I would give myself over to the judgment of the authorities, I heard the door to my quarters open. In the darkness, I heard footsteps approaching and someone began to speak.

"I hear you've given over command of the Enterprise to Commander Scott. Shouldn't you have checked that over with me first?"

I sat up from my bed. "Lights, 40 percent." I looked over to see the captain standing in the doorway to my sleeping area.

"That's illogical. Captain, you are dead. How are you here?"

"I was never dead Spock and you can thank Bones for that. Unbeknownst to either of us, he injected me with a neural paralyzer just before our second round of battle instead of the compound used to help me breathe on Vulcan. It knocked out all of my vital functions and simulated my death."

"I . . ." There was so much I wanted to express but I had to control my emotions. "I am most pleased."

_What is this coming over me again? The plak'tow has past yet I feel the fire aflame once more._

"So what was your final outcome? What happen with T'Pring and the blood fever and the rest of your Pon Farr?"

I felt myself standing from the bed and walking over towards the captain, almost unwillingly.

"When I thought I killed you, Captain, I found that I had lost all interest in T'Pring. I gave her to Staran."

"Well, that's too bad Spock. I was actually hoping that you would find a suitable mate and companion, especially for your years after Starfleet," said the Captain with his hand upon my shoulder. "Well, you better get some rest. I have work to do and I want you back at your post as soon as possible."

Jim was turning to leave when I spoke his title, "Captain?"

"Yes, Mr. Spock."

"Permission to speak freely?"

"Always."

"Captain, Jim, I'm pleased to have you back."

"You said that already Mr. Spock," said Jim was grin.

"Yes I did, but I had to say it again though it's illogical to do so."

"Aww, is that sentiment I hear your voice, Mr. Spock? Did you miss me?" asked Jim jokingly.

"Yes on both counts, Captain." I could see the surprise in Jim's expression. I rarely ever admit to expressing emotions.

"But I was only gone, unconscious, for a few hours."

"While that is true, Captain. In my mind you were gone forever and I was coming to terms with that. In your death, the madness left me. Ironically, in your living, it is returning to me."

I placed my hand on his shoulder as he had done to mine and I stepped closer to him, alleviating all space between us. Then I slid the fingers of my free hand down his arm to his hand. The captain was surprised to say the least, as was I. I have never displayed such emotion in front of him, let alone towards him, but he neither rejected nor protested my advances.

"Spock, I'm here. It's okay."

"Yes, I know and I burn for you."

Once those words were confessed, I could not retreat and force them back into my mind. I had to act now or be consumed by my burning desire. Since the bond no longer existed with T'Pring, I was free to choose whomever I wanted and I had chosen James Kirk a long time ago. While I would sacrifice the ability to have offspring, I would live a life like no other with someone like no other. With one hand still holding his, I wrapped by other hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a human kiss, a kiss he would recognize, though I had been kissing him in the Vulcan fashion since I took his hand in mine.

Jim didn't pullback, but he was also slow to reciprocate. Finally, it must have dawned on him exactly what I had confessed and what we were now doing and he began to reciprocate. I could feel his hands slowly rise up my back and down again. I could feel his style of kiss increasing in its ferocity, as was mine.

"I must take you now and alleviate the Plak'tow and complete the Pon Farr. Then will I seal our bond with Vulcan mind meld."

"Hey, wait one second. Since when did you become the captain?" asked Jim playfully.

"Since I killed you in the kal'i'fee," I said deadpan but with the slightest of smirks."

"Oh well, in that case . . . ," said Jim as he began to kiss my neck.

"I never knew you had affections towards me Captain."

"I'm sure you had a hunch. I'm also sure you kept telling yourself it was illogical. You've seen me with far too many women and never with a man. Yet you've also seen me risk my life for yours and never for that of another save for Doctor McCoy. No woman has ever come between me and this ship, but you have. There have been so many times I was willing to risk being lost in space and time, as long as I was lost with you."

_His words, they make me burn further. He knows me so well and I, him. _

"If you are willing, I will take you know."

"Well, since I'm still legally dead, I guess you are the Captain. What are your orders, Captain Spock?"

I led him by the hand to the bed. I sat him down and began to remove his clothing. In no more than 32 seconds he was fully undressed and displayed before my eyes. I removed my attire as well. I could tell by looking into Jim's eyes that he was pleased. I covered his body with my own and began taking what was now officially mine to have.

"Forgive me if I become aggressive," I said just before sucking a bruise onto the captain's neck. "As you have seen, aggression is sometimes needed to alleviate the blood fever."

"Am I allowed to be aggressive also?"

"I would find that most satisfying."

"Good then I have a surprise for you. Please, give me one moment."

"I cannot. I want you too badly."

Jim looked me square in the eye to evaluate my resolve. He realized quickly that I wasn't going to give up my current position and he smiled.

"Very well, I can do it the hard way."

Immediately, we began rolling, tumbling, and tossing on the bed. We were both scrambling for the upper hand. In between rough kisses and harsh fondling, we were actually fighting each other. We exchanged punches and jabs and elbows and chokeholds. There was one point where Jim had his hands around my neck, choking me, while simultaneously taking the remaining breath from me through his kissing of me. When I could no longer breathe, Jim released me and then he himself collapsed beside me on the bed.

While lying on my back, gazing up at the ceiling I said, "It appears that the two episodes of blood fever have taken a great toll on me. I should have had more stamina than you. I guess you can get your surprise now, as you are the victor."

"No, I don't think we'll be needing the old fashioned handcuffs any longer," said Jim as he sat up and then leaned on one side, now facing me. "I've experienced enough sado-masochism for one night. Now I want you to make love with me." He began to trace the outline of my ear with his hand and I could feel myself blush green. I took that hand into mine and held it against my face.

"Make love, Captain? I wasn't aware that love could be made."

"You know very well what I mean, Mr. Spock. Your mother is human, I'm sure you've heard the phrase used before," said Jim with a smile.

"Indeed I have, Captain, and now that the worst of the blood fever has past I shall, as you say, make love to you, Jim."

I pulled him closer to me and he took position atop my torso. Seeing as my blood ran cooler than his, I could feel the transference of heat from his body to mine. _So warm. So Soothing._

While straddling me, Jim leaned down and began to kiss that same ear, then my neck, then my mouth. I'm sure I was a deep shade of green by then. I allowed my hands also to roam freely over his body until I reached his posterior. I allowed my hands to hold and caress his flesh. So many times I had seen Jim in nothing except a bath towel wrapped about his waist and so many times I wanted to remove it from his body. Now I get to have all that lied beneath the cloth.

Seeing as this was my first mating season, I had never had full physical relations with anyone until now. While this was all new to me, I was happy to finally put my theoretical knowledge to work to see if it actually applied in reality. I ran my hands between the left and right posterior muscles and found Jim's hul'a, anus. I found it most fascinating that even with the slightest of touch, Jim's body temperature and pulse began to increase. I pressed a finger into him and he began to moan lightly in pleasure.

"More Spock. Go further."

"Further?" I whispered.

"Yes, further. Go deeper inside me and add another finger."

I did as requested and it indeed solicited an even greater response in the Captain and his response provoked a response in me. With every moan that Jim allowed me to hear, I could feel my lok, penis, filling with blood and stiffening with my progressive arousal. When I could prepare the Captain no further, less I lose my temperament and control, I switched our positions.

"Release your legs from my waist and allow me to position myself."

Jim did as asked and just before I entered him, I took another look at him in all his glory. Jim was neither the biggest nor the strongest nor the smartest. Nevertheless, he was the whole package and a fine specimen indeed.

When I pressed my lok into the Captain, I paused in sheer bodily shock. My reproductive organ felt as if it were encased in a heating coil.

"I have never felt this way before. You are so warm, so form fitting, so right."

"Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Now make love to me, Spock. Consider that an order."

"Yes, Captain."

I began to thrust into Jim, creating a rhythm between us. He wrapped his legs around my waist again, pulling me flush to his body. I pinned his arms down between sharing in a kiss then I placed all mental focus on my task, making love to Jim. I had him place his legs over my shoulders. This position and angle proved most pleasing to us both. I was able to reach his prostate most effectively in this position and the writhing of Jim beneath me was clear evidence of that. With each repetition, we were closer to reaching the peak of our sexual excitement.

"Forgive me for sounding illogical," I spoke aloud as I continued to make love to my captain, "But I feel like coiled wire, heavily compressed, ready to spring forward."

"It's natural," Jim panted out. "Let yourself go Spock. I'm almost there as well."

"There, captain?" I questioned. "May I meld with you at this time?"

"Yes, but please release my hands. Let me touch myself."

I released him and immediately grabbed one of his ankles to steady both him and myself. Then I placed my other hand upon his face in order to meld and he began stroking himself quickly. In seconds he was yelling and ejaculating between us. His rectal muscles were involuntarily contracting around me increasing the arousing pressure. Through the meld, with my eyes closed, I could feel, see, and hear Jim in his bliss as he continued to climax, the meld undoubtedly lengthening its duration. Our minds melded together released me and I immediately knew where there was. I too had succumbed to the climax and released into my captain. For a brief period, we were both in a happy haze, euphoria of sorts, I presume. Unfortunately, now that the deed has been done and the fever has gone and all has been made right, I know not what to say as I looked upon my captain.

"I know that look. You're thinking about something. What is it Spock? Hopefully not regret."

"No. Not at all. It is just that I regret not knowing what to say in this situation. I have never felt this way . . . about love."

"I bet it feels good."

"Indeed, Captain. Indeed."

**Personal Log:** It has been 2 weeks, 3 days, and 1 hour since the Captain and I consummated our love for one another. Surprisingly, our dynamic hasn't change. He's still the captain and I, his first officer. It is also quite pleasing to know that I'm also first in his heart as well, despite how illogical that sounds.

_As I lie hear with an exhausted Jim in my arms, I know now that I shall truly live long and prosper. I have my captain back, my friend back, and now a lover as well. I can hold and be held. I can now fulfill the needs of every aspect of my hybrid being and in his presence shall loneliness forever be driven away._

_Taluhk nash-veh, ashayam. I cherish thee, beloved._

The end.


End file.
